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Local Events Archives for 2014-01

The Top Things We Learned in 2013


The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 

Archives:

2014-01 | 2013-12 | 2013-11 | 2013-09 | 2013-05


Local Events

Pancake Day

Thursday September 18th

September means pancake time!  Once again, A Perfect Fit Foundation will be hosting its annual pancake fundraiser, this Thursday, September 18,

from 6:30am until 11:00am at St. James Episcopal Church in Alexandria.  100% of the funds raised go directly toward providing well-fitted, uniform-approved shoes for underprivileged elementary school children in Cenla. 

September 20th

A Cycling Event

Kent House Plantation

(318) 487-5998


Les Fest 2014

Thursday Sept 25th 6pm

Enjoy a wild evening at this outdoor music fest and fundraiser celebrating the Alexandria Zoo and remembering Zoo Director Les Whitt and his love for music.  Live music by Bonerama, silent auction, food available for purchase, presentations with animals and updates on the Alexandria Zoo are featured.

CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS


Avoyelles Commission of Tourism

www.travelavoyelles.com

Prehistoric Mounds Tour

Marksville State Historic Site

September 20, 2014

$4adults(over 62, under 13 free)

888.253.8954


UMW Fall Festival

1st United Methodist Church

Of Pineville

Saturday October 4th from 9a to 1p

30 Booth of Handmade Arts & Crafts for Sale Along With a BBQ Lunch, Food Booths & the Pumpkin Patch

Public is Invited. Call 640-1050 For Info.


The Running Man Dash

Saturday October 4th

 

The Running Man Dash is an annual fun run and walk put on by Anytime Fitness to promote staying active in Cenla. The fun run/walk will be held in honor of Maddie Norris and to help build awareness about her disability. It will have obstacles including a colored chalk station, and a Slip-N-Slide. The event will be fun for all ages. We encourage you to make teams, come up with fun team names, and wear costumes. The Running Man Dash will be held at beautiful Buhlow Recreation Area. All proceeds from the race will be donated to United Cerebral Palsy Foundation. Help us build awareness about cerebral palsy by participating, or making a donation

CLICK HERE FOR REGISTRATION

AND MORE INFORMATION

 



CENLA BROADCASTING
 
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA

IS YOUR "TICKETMASTER" OUTLET IN CENTRAL LOUISIANA.

OFFICE HOURS 
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.

PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows

 

 



Demi Lovato

September 17th

New Orleans, LA

UNO Lakefront Arena

 

One Direction

September 25th Superdome

 

Keith Sweat

September 26th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Katy Perry

October 8th

New Orleans

Smoothy King Ctr

 

Girls Night Out!

October 10th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino


 

October 10 - October 11

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

Tickets Friday $25, Saturday, $45 or 2 day ticket special $60

Friday, October 10 - Doors open at 6PM, Show Time 7PM
Opening band to be announced, then Trixter, Firehouse, and Winger, hosted by Eddie Trunk

Saturday, October 11 - Doors open at 1PM, Show Time 2PM
Opening band to be announced, then Steelheart, Lita Ford, Warrant, Dokken and Dee Snider, hosted by Eddie Trunk

 

Ana Popovic

October 18th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Molly Ringwold's

Halloween Bash

October 24th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Sesame Street

Make A Friend

October 24th

Lafayette, LA

Cajun Dome

 

Gabriel Iglesias

October 25th

Kinder, LA

Coustatta Casino

 

Kenny Logons

October 25th

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs Casino

 

Aaron Lewis

November 1st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Sesame Street

Make A Friend

November 8th

New Orleans, LA

UNO Lakefront

 

Charlie Pride

November 14th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Cher

November 15th

Bossier City, LA

Century Link Center

 

November 16th

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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