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The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 


Local Events

 



Because Of The Times

January 20th - 22nd

Over 3,000 people will arrive in Alexandria from across America and the World for three days of spiritual inspiration, restoration, teaching and direction.

For Information Click Here

 


Rapides Symphony Orchestra Concert

January 25th

Coughlin-Saunders Performing Arts Center
1202 Third Street
Alexandria, LA 71301
2:30PM

Tango del Cielo
A program of music and dance with harpist Anna Maria Mendieta and tango and flamenco dancers.

Admission: 
$25 admission
Phone: 
(318) 442-9709

Cenla Fly Fishing Festival

January 24th

Kees Park Civic Center
2450 Hwy 28 East
Pineville, LA
9:00AM - 3:30PM

Come join fly fishers, kayak fishers, and other anglers in a free celebration of our favorite sport at the first-ever Cenla Fly Fishing Festival. Held at Kees Park Civic Center in Pineville, this family-oriented event features seminars, fly tying demonstrations, casting clinics, vendors, raffles, and more. Whether you're a veteran flyfisher or kayak angler, or wanting to learn about either, there's something for everyone.

Admission: 
Free
Phone: 
(318)793-5855

“Our Lady of Prompt Succor School will host an Open House on Sunday, January 25th at 11:30am in the Divine Providence Center located at 420 21st St., Alexandria.  The Open House will highlight the excellent education and exciting programs offered at OLPS School for Preschool-6th grade students of all religious denominations.

For More Info Call (318) 449-9073 ext. 209


Abendmusik Alexandria Music Series

February 5th

Hearn Stage at the Kress Theater
1102 Third Street
Alexandria, LA 71301
6:00PM

Trio de Llano in Concert: A wind trio composed of NSU music faculty Dennette McDermott, Malena McLaren, and Douglas Bakenhus, Trio de Llano presents music by Ludwig van Beethoven, Walter Piston, Shreveport-based composer Todd Gabriel, and others. Doors open at 5:30 pm.

Admission: 
$10, cash bar, $5 appetizer plate
Phone: 
(318) 445-7705

Pineville Mardi Gras Parade

February 6th

Pineville, LA
5:30PM

Route: College Drive & Donahue Ferry-Main Street-Across the Jackson St. Bridge-Third Street

Phone: 
Madonna LeBlanc (318)449-5660

Taste of Mardi Gras

February 6th

Alexandria Riverfront Center
707 Second Street
Alexandria, LA
7:30PM

VIP seating at 6:30 pm general admission

at 7:30 pm

Tickets can be purchased in advance at $20 for adults and $10 for children 10 years and younger.

They can be purchased at the following locations in Alexandria: - Atwoods Bakery - Critics Choice (both locations) - Alexandria Pineville Area Convention & Visitors Bureau

Reserved VIP Tables are also available in advance for $400, which includes reserved seating for eight, a complimentary bottle of champagne and early admittance at 6:30 p.m. and can be purchased at the Alexandria/Pineville Area CVB (318)442-9546, inquire@apacvb.org

Admission: 
$20 Adults, $10 Children ages 10 and younger, VIP tables $400 for table of 8
Phone: 
APACVB (318)442-9546 Nick Carrozza (318)729-6045

La. Political Museum Hall of Fame Reception and Induction Banquet

February 7th

Winnfield, LA
4:00PM
Admission: 
Reception Free; Banquet $75 per person
Phone: 
318-628-5928

St. James Concert Series

February 14th
St. James Episcopal Church
1620 Murray Street
Alexandria,
7:00PM

"That's Amore: Love in 17th Century Italy"
Italian for "heavenly harmony", Armonia Celeste brings the music of the Italian Renaissance and Baroque eras vividly to life using plucked-string period instruments.

Admission: 
Free
Phone: 
(318) 445-9845

Alexandria Mardi Gras Assoc.  22nd Annual Krewes Parade

February 15th

Alexandria, LA
2:00PM

 

 

 

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING
 
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA

IS YOUR "TICKETMASTER" OUTLET IN CENTRAL LOUISIANA.

OFFICE HOURS 
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.

PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows




Florida Georgia Line

Friday January 23rd

Lafayette, LA

Cajundome

 

Wayne Toups

January 31st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Sara Evans

February 6th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Bob Seger

& The Silver Bullet Band

February 10th

Lafayette, LA

Cajundome

 

The OJays

February 14th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

Celtic Thunder Symphony

February 14th, 2015

Bossier City

Horseshoe Casino

 

Jason Aldean

February 19th

Bossier City

Centurylink Center

 

Gladys Knight

March 21st

Baton Rouge

L'Auberg Casino

 

Loretta Lynn

March 21st

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs

 

The Band Perry

March 21st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Stevie Wonder

March 24th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Ctr

 

D L Hughley

March 28th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

April 19th

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

 

 

 

 

 


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