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The Top Things We Learned in 2013


The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 

Tune In For Flash Back Fridays


Local Events

 

Pleasant Hill Baptist Church

"HOMECOMING"

Sunday August 3rd 9:45a

A Gospel Music Concert By

"SOUTHERN

GRACE SINGERS"

INFO: 318-765-8011


 

Brass In Blue

will be presenting a concert

at Coughlin-Saunders Performing

Arts Center

August 29, 2014 at 7:00 p.m.

The performance is family-friendly

and open to the public,

Free of charge.

Reserve your tickets

at any TicketCentral booth,

online at

www.ticket-central.org,

or by calling 318.445.7705.


2014 Walk

To End Alzheimers

September 13th

Kent House Plantation

Registration at 9am

Ceremony at 10am

Info: ClickLogo Above

Call 318-861-8680


Thursday September 4th

Downtown @ The Hearn

An Evening With

Scott Joplin

Classical Guitarist

John De Chiaro

For Tickets..

Ticket Central

Or Call 318-445-7705


 

September 20th

A Cycling Event

Kent House Plantation

(318) 487-5998

 

 

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING
 
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA

IS YOUR "TICKETMASTER" OUTLET IN CENTRAL LOUISIANA.

OFFICE HOURS 
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.

PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows

 



Beyonce'

&

Jay Z

July 20th

New Orleans

Superdome

 

Big Smo

July 24th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino / Resort

 

Tony Bennett

July 25th

Bossier City

Horseshoe Casino & Resort

 

Steely Dan

July 26th

New Orleans, LA

UNO Lake Front Arena

 

Michael-Jackson-THE-IMMORTAL-World-Tour

July 29th & 30th

Lafayette, LA

Cajundome

 

Wayne Toupes

July 31st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino / Resort

 

Sarah McLachlan

August 1st

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

Gary Allen

August 2nd

Kinder, LA

Coushatta Casino & Resort

 

Justin Timberlake

August 3rd

New Orleans Arena

 

Neal McCoy

August 18th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

3 Dog Night

August 16th

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs

 

Vicki Lawrence & Mama

August 16th

Opelousas, LA

Evangeline Downs

 

Rickey Smiley & Friends

August 16th

Lafayette, LA

Heymann Arts Ctr.

 

Mickey Gilley

August 30th

Shreveport, LA

Sam's Town Casino

 

Ron White

"Nutcracker"

September 1st

New Orleans

Mahalia Jackson

Theatre

 

Clint Black

September 13th

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs Casino

 

Jeff Dunham

September 13th

Bossier City, LA

Horseshoe Casino

 

Jay Lano

September 13th

Kinder, LA

Coushatta Casino & Resort

 

One Direction

September 25th Superdome

 

Katy Perry

October 8th

New Orleans

Smoothy King Ctr

 

Sesame Street

Make A Friend

October 24th

Lafayette, LA

Cajun Dome

 

Kenny Logons

October 25th

Vinton, LA

Delta Downs Casino

 

Sesame Street

Make A Friend

November 8th

New Orleans, LA

UNO Lakefront

 

 

 

 


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