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The Top Things We Learned in 2013


The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 


Local Events

 

 

Discover The Dinosaurs

Alexandria Riverfront Center

November 22nd

9:00AM - 9:00PM

Come experience up to 40 moving and replica museum quality Dinosaurs!


Kansas City Southern's Holiday Express

November 29th
KCS Train Yard
910 Melrose Street
Pineville, LA 71360

KCS' Holiday Express is a six-car train that brings Santa Claus and his elves to communities throughout the U.S. network at scheduled stops. These events are free and open to the public. No tickets are required.


Yoga in the Gallery
Alexandria Museum of Art
Alexandria

Every Tuesday 5:30PM


Pineville Christmas Parade

December 12th
Pineville Main Street
7:00PM

Holiday themed floats and music. The 7th Night of the 12 Nights of Christmas. Presented by the City of Pineville.
Route: Begins at Donahue Ferry/College Drive/Main Street - down Main Street to Riverfront Street.

Admission: 
Free for parade goers
Phone: 
(318) 445-3439

Alexandria Holiday Tour of Homes

December 13th
Alexandria's Garden District Neighborhood
5:00PM - 8:00PM

Alexandria's Garden District Neighborhood Foundation is hosting a Holiday Tour of Homes to include four homes in the Garden District. 2014 Marye Street was the home of General and Mrs. Omar Bradley when they resided in Alexandria during the Louisiana Maneuvers. 2022 Albert Street was modeled after actress Cathleen Moore's Beverly Hills home and it is said that Long was an occasional overnight guest in this house. 1703 Polk Street is built entirely of glass bottles circa 1945. More than 3,000 bottles were used to construct the house, which was originally used as a gift shop. The house at 1924 Barrister Street has been in the same family since it was built 100 years ago. What began as a one-story planter cottage, is now a grand colonial home.

Photo credit: SAY Photography Studio

Admission: 
$25 per person
 

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING
 
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA

IS YOUR "TICKETMASTER" OUTLET IN CENTRAL LOUISIANA.

OFFICE HOURS 
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.

PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows


Wynonna

&

The Big Noise

November 22nd

Baton Rouge

L'Auberge Casino

 

Holiday Ice Spectacular

Friday & Saturday

December 5th & 6th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

Usher

December 6th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Ctr

 

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

December 17th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Ctr

 

Dirty Dancing

Sunday December 21st

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

KC & The Sunshine Band

Saturday December 27th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino & Resort

 

Doug Stone

January 10th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Mamma Mia

January 17th, 2015

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

Florida Georgia Line

Friday January 23rd

Lafayette, LA

Cajundome

 

Wayne Toups

January 31st

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Celtic Thunder Symphony

February 14th, 2015

Bossier City

Horseshoe Casino

 

 

 


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