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The Top Things We Learned in 2013

 

Since we're almost to the end of 2013, let's take a minute to review what happened with The Top Things We Learned in 2013.

 

 

Making people sit and wait for a website to load is worth double-digit approval numbers.

 

 

All twerk and no play makes Miley a rich girl.

 

 

Thanks to the NSA, Santa isn't the only one who knows if you've been bad or good.

 

 

Santa and Jesus are WHITE, dammit, and the children MUST be told!

 

 

Apparently, "pope" is a job that's just as easy to quit as "McDonald's fry cook."

 

 

Paula Deen can't fake-cry to save her life.  Or her career.

 

 

People will literally buy ANYTHING Apple tells them to.

 

 

We should've elected Mitt Romney.

 

 

Crack can even make Canadians interesting.

 

 

Somehow, Tim Tebow's out of football, but Tony Romo isn't.

 

 

Carrie Underwood can't act.  Eddie Murphy can't sing.  And Paul Walker can't drive.

 

 

There's a reason Arsenio hasn't been on TV since the '90s.

 

 

It's not as cool as it once was to wear those yellow "Livestrong" bracelets.

 

 

George Clooney's life is infinitely better than yours in every conceivable way.

 

 

People will drop a small fortune on a new Apple product that's essentially the same as their old one, just because there's an "S" in the name.

 

 

Even though we DON'T live in the 1400s, the birth of a Royal Baby somehow still qualifies as "news."

 

 

For some inexplicable reason, people keep letting Vince Vaughn make movies.

 

 

That email where you told your mom you're depressed, your job sucks, and you'll never meet a girl?  The NSA got a BIG kick out of it.

 

 

Nelson Mandela is lucky he died before anyone could make him sit through the cloying biopic about his life.

 

 

Miley Cyrus' goal in life is apparently to initiate painfully awkward Thanksgiving conversation with your grandma about the definition of "twerking."

 

 

Americans would be WAY more interested in the Syrian Civil War, if it starred some of the "Real Housewives".

 

 

The "Hunger Games" movies are perfect for anyone who likes movies about fights to the death, where no one actually dies.

 

 

If you want to be mayor, it's okay to have a drug problem and sexually harass female staffers but NOT okay to text anyone pics of your junk.
 


The year slowly fades to an end as does the life of your smartphone battery.
 


A baby is born when two people who love themselves very much join together in a special act of publicity.

 

 

Well, whatever we learned the NSA definitely learned, too.

 

 

Next time, we should elect a president who is familiar with Javascript.

 

 

My nanny can't keep a secret.  That's what I learned!

 

 

It IS possible for the Kardashians to get more annoying.

 

 

We should all be worshipping Kanye West . . . according to Kanye West.

 

 

Eventually, we will see every former Disney child star naked.

 

 

If you want to have the biggest hit record of the year, rip off an old Marvin Gaye song and shoot a video with naked models.

 

 

Alan Thicke neglected to teach his son that it's wrong to steal from Marvin Gaye.

 

 

No event, even the funeral of a major world leader, is too serious to take a selfie.

 

 

That even shady offshore porn companies build better websites than the government.

 

 

America no longer has a monopoly on crackhead mayors.

 

 

If you don't write down and Instagram your resolutions, people won't remember that you even had any, so all is forgiven.

 

 

All viral YouTube videos are actually Jimmy Kimmel's hoaxes.

 

 

The federal government can be shutdown for two weeks without anyone really noticing.

 

 

You're better off pulling your kids out of school so you can home-bully them.

 

 

Will Ferrell doesn't know the meaning of the word "overexposed."

 

 

A lot of musical artists would be working at Wendy's if not for Auto-Tune.

 

 

We have no hope because nothing has changed.

 

 

You CAN'T keep your existing health insurance.

 

 

The very tall ebony women you meet from the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist sometimes can have a penis.  Actually, that's something *I* learned.

 

 

Amanda Bynes has really bad taste in wigs.

 

 

Rob Ford doesn't eat many salads.

 


Magic 100.9

Lite Favorites Of Yesterday & Today

Click To Listen!

Also On The Air At 93.1 HD2

 

Rockin' Oldies Of The 60's & 70's

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Also On The Air At 93.1 HD3

 


Local Events

 



April 2nd

The Arts Council of Central Louisiana will conclude its first season of Abendmusik Alexandria with “Jacques Offenbach, the Cellist.” Cellists Paul Christopher and Milovan Paz will play six of Offenbach’s cello duets at Abendmusik at 6 PM on April 2 at the Hearn Stage at the Kress Theatre.

Info: 318.484.4467


30th Annual Ruth Butler Memorial Easter Egg Hunt

Saturday April 4th

10am

John Davidson Park

Bring a basket with 3 dyed hard boiled eggs and a friend. Refreshments & candy for ages 1 to 12


Spay Day USA!

APRIL 8TH & 9TH

Cost Is Just $50 Per Pet

Space Is Limited

Call 318-413-0984

or

www.hlhumane.org

For Information


U.S. Air Force Musicians to perform in Alexandria

Thursday, April 16th ~ 6:00PM

Alexandria Riverfront Amphitheater

The performance is family-friendly and open to the public.

FREE Tickets at http://USAFAlexandria.eventbrite.com or www.ticket-central.org


Holi Fest 2015

Saturday May 16th

At Tamp & Grind

A 4K Walk, Jog, Run

To Benefit CASA

For More Info Click Here !



Alexandria Amphitheatre

Music Starts 11a

Admission Is Free!


 

 

 



CENLA BROADCASTING 

TICKETMASTER
1115 Texas Avenue
Alexandria, LA
9AM - 4PM 
MONDAY-FRIDAY.
PHONE 
318-445-1234

 

 


Ticketmaster - Local Shows

 

 

 

Smokey Robinson

April 10th

Bossier City

Riverdome

Horseshoe Casino


Billy Currington

April 18th

Kinder, LA

Coushatta Casino


April 19th

New Orleans

Saenger Theater

 

New Orleans

Jazz & heritage

Festival

April 24th to May 3rd

New Orleans Fairgrounds

 

Chris Young

With

Scotty McCreery

May 16th

Kinder, LA

Coushatta Casino

 

Rush

May 22nd

New Orleans

Smoothie King Center

 

Essence Festival 2015

New Orleans Superdome

July 2nd - 4th

 

Travis Tritt

July 10th

Lake Charles, LA

Golden Nuggett Casino

 

Whitesnake

August 8th

Marksville, LA

Paragon Casino

 

Gary Allan

August 21st

Kinder, LA

Coushatta Casino

 

Ariana Grande

October 9th

New Orleans

Smoothie King Center

 

 

 

 


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